And the winner is…

Kidman_2490255bThe problem with running a competition with our presenters is that all to often they are all talk and no trousers (or shorts in Andy’s case). We didn’t think it was too much to ask for them to get together over lunch last week and decide who the winners are of our fabulous prize draw.

We were disappointed again.

Fingers were pointed, excuses were given and tempers were raised by Javvad, Thom and Andy respectively.

We can now however announce the winners after some quick executive decisions were made,so, in no particular order:

IMG_4775Thom’s “Frankie Says Relax” T shirt, sunglasses and exclusive signed photograph are hereby awarded to…




IMG_4778Javvad’s beard (made with real hair) goes to…




FullSizeRenderAnd finally the prize of Andy’s (inspiration) wood goes to…


(Andy will be returning your “lost” USB stick momentarily)

Congratulations everyone and thank you for taking part. Your comments will of course be taken vert, very seriously. Please contact us to arrange for delivery (2nd class) and don’t forget to send us a photo of you with your wonderful prizes!


Host Unknown’s “It’s still Close to Christmas” Competition


Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!

Our collaboration with the Twist & Shout “Scrooge the CISO” film has gone down a storm, with critics and public claiming it to be “a masterpiece” and “absolute genius” which is quite surprising given our three presenters were involved.

We would like to keep the Christmas spirit alive for a few more weeks however, and so have decided to run a competition where you can win some exclusive and somewhat surprising prizes. The rules are simple:

  1. Watch the film again by clicking on the above image. Feel free to hit refresh multiple times to ensure your true appreciation of our work is counted in terms of views.
  2. Leave a comment exclaiming quite how much you enjoyed it. If you wish you could supply ideas for other films or other activities you think the boys should engage in.
  3. You agree to send us photos of yourself with the prizes if you win. We reserve the right to edit and/or modify them as we see fit.

On Friday 23rd January at 12:00hrs GMT we will pick three lucky winners to win one of of the following prizes each:

Thom’s T-Shirt and glasses from the shoot, as well as a one of it’s kind signed photograph!


Javvad’s actual beard! (How else do you think he keeps it so tidy?)


And finally, the inspiration behind Andy’s incredible acting skills, personally autographed by the man himself!


Don’t delay, start viewing and commenting now! And remember, you can comment as much as you like, there is no limit to your imaginations and the boy’s egos.

The Host Unknown Rider

HostUnknownTV_2014-Oct-10We are often asked for a copy of this rider, but not asked for booking very often afterwards. Is it too much? We don’t think so either, so what would you add to it?



Paying 3rd party (henceforth referred to as dumb client) agrees to make its best efforts to prevent any unauthorised recording or reproduction.

All approved stills photographers with properly displayed credentials are allowed THREE PHOTOGRAPHS and no flash whatsoever. Any photographer left in the barrier after three photos is no longer welcome in the building. No moving image cameras are allowed.


Host Unknown shall retain exclusive right to sell or cause to be sold souvenir booklets, programs, T-Shirts or any product or publication utilising the name and/or likeness of the Artists.

Host Unknown logo may not be used on event t-shirts or other items without prior written consent from artists management.


Host Unknown will receive 100% headline billing in all manner forms of advertising in connection with this engagement and shall be billed only as “Host Unknown”.

Credits will include a reference to Host Unknown and also J4vv4D/Andrew/Thom*

*Delete as requested by the sole founder of Host Unknown


Host Unknown will be provided a clean and well-lit and well-ventilated dressing room which can comfortably accommodate 3 large egos and a steady stream of female fans aged 18-23 (40+ for Thom)

Host Unknown will not be required to share the trailer with any other performer except Scarlette Johansson, Bruce Schneier, Jessica Alba, Vint Cerf, Jessica Beil, Brian Honan, Cameron Diaz, Gene Kim, Mila Kunis, Mikko Hypponenenenen or Angelina Jolie.

Lavatory facilities will be stocked with soap and toiletries and restricted to the common unwashed public.

Miracle grow head shampoo for Thom

Heating or air-conditioning will be provided as is customary in these modern times. We are, after all, no longer savages.


For all meals, please provide:

  • Silverware
  • Plates, bowls (no styrofoam)
  • Spring water
  • Hot coffee (herbal tea for Thom)
  • Pepsi in glass bottles.

Dearest reader – this rider is comprised of the things that make Host Unknown AWESOME! Please make every effort to provide the following and please, please do not surreptitiously hack through things to save a few pennies.

  • WiFi (10 base-T for Thom)
  • One double-apple flavoured shisha
  • Three pairs of white socks
  • Two pairs of medium and one pair of large boxer shorts
  • Fresh vegetable and cheese tray with humus, pita break and crackers for three people.
  • A juice machine
  • A George Foreman grill.
  • One bag of doritos
  • A bowl of m&m’s with brown ones removed
  • A bowl of brown m&m’s
  • Ten energy bars – tiger milk or granola type bars. Ask a hippie for better suggestions.


Dumb client is urged to ensure that all personnel are alert and of a professional attitude. Any autographs or photo request BY PEOPLE SUPPOSEDLY ON THE CLOCK are frowned upon. Venue employees hanging out with no apparent job or making out with girlfriends or boyfriends is not cool in the presence of professionals like us and when people are paid to be working.

Host Unknown Does the RANT Conference

RANT SmallPicture the scene… three men in their prime, fully prepared, well read, research done, market offering defined, sales patter practiced and an excellent floor stand ready for the conference.

The reason you are struggling to picture this, especially if you attended the RANT Conference, is that this is exactly the opposite of what turned up on the day. Three feckless fools turn up in yesterday’s clothes, unprepared and with a disastrous, incoherent cornucopia of swag and content for their stand. Regularly contradicting each other, sometimes it seems just for fun, our three ‘presenters’ muddled through the day with their shoddily spelt swag, poorly prepared patter and all round pretty poor presentation skills.

Still, nobody seemed to notice.

It was an excellent day all round, and Host Unknown would like to thank Acumin, especially Simon and Donna, for putting their personal reputations as well as that of the RANT Conference itself on the line and graciously allowing Host Unknown to play a part.

We hope you enjoy the film.